Grace and Mercy.

I don't know how many people will actually read this because it has been so long since I posted anything.  Did I kick Cancer in the face???  It got kicked, but it wasn't me, it was a whole group that fought with me.  By laughing with me, hugging me, listening to me, and praying for me.  Plus lots of flowers, letters, books, gifts, and constant love.  OH and medicine, surgery, and some more of that kind of stuff, which is pretty important too!

The month has gone by with some fun.  Dan and I went to see Julie and Julia, the movie. Very fun.  I also saw UP which made me laugh, too.  We had a visit with our friends from Seattle, Mike and Marianne. We enjoyed a fun dinner with friends that ended with a wonderful summer rain storm that we watched from their patio.  It felt deliciously cool, the sound was soothing and the smell of the wet desert is my favorite part of the rain.  Rachel arrived back from the Amazon with tales of adventure and Kate did great at the Pentagon.  this weekend they are on a beach road trip :- )  We hear from Danny as often as he can call from his deployment.  It comforts me a lot.   We got a city condo, and it will be fun to get it comfy and livable.  (for us and family.)  Dan got his cycle from Tasmania and it is up and running great.  It is really pretty, too.  

I am back to work, trying to figure out just what I can and can't accomplish with the stamina that I have.  Normal things sound do-able, but the reality is that I can only do a couple of them at a time, then I am out of battery power.  Eyelashes finished coming out this week, and I draw my eyebrows on each day.  BUT I think the hair on my head is trying to start growing.......... My hands and feet are still numb and stiff from neuropathy.  That should go away someday. 

Let's see what else? Chicken still tastes bad, and most really sweet things, too.  But through all this I have acquired  more of a liking for beef.  Crazy.  And I still love carbs!!

I will have surgery at the end of the week to take out my "port" and do reconstruction.  I was surprised to find out I shouldn't drive for 2 weeks.  Fortunately, there is a fun trip a few weeks later to look forward to.  

After that it is cooler weather, Thanksgiving, and Christmas!!!  Then the start of a new decade. Whew!  I can hardly wait.  I have lots to be grateful for, much to learn, and hopefully more compassion for others.  My heart is full of lots of emotions.  I don't have all the words to express the joys and aches.  Bittersweet is a good start though.  I am grateful for grace and mercy from God.  

Call  me sometime, I'd love to hear from you,

Love , Carmine

Summer of '09

I  am not really sure why I have taken so long to update this blog.  

Well, I can say that I am so glad that the chemo is done.  They told me the second half would be way easier than the 1st half.  It didn't happen that way for me, but now it's done.  There are still doctor's visits, other medications - some by IV- and a few outpatient surgeries.  I will also be getting body scans to keep an eye out for any baddies that want to make a comeback.  

It has been decided that I will NOT be having radiation treatment.  This is good news to me.  It took a while to get all the information, but it seems that it would do me more harm than good in the long run.  

I have been back at work this week and by the end of the day I  am pretty tired.  The accumulated effects of the chemo took more out of me than I expected.  I still have some of the bone aches, especially at night.  

On a  much more fun note, Rachel is off on her adventure to Machu Pichu and also the Amazon.

Kate is winding up her summer adventure in Washington D.C., and we heard from Danny this weekend (he's doing good, thanks for  your prayers).  Dan's sister Jean and her husband and two of their sons have been in AZ for a few days.  It is a tough time to visit AZ (otherwise known as  the nation's convection oven).   Tonight we had chinese food at The Great Wall, and then dessert back here at the house.  Zeke, our 80 lb. black lab, was so thrilled to have so many in the house and he even got some whipped cream on his nose.   It is funny to see yourself become the crazy old aunt.  In my case the bald, crazy old aunt. They asked how I would like my hair to grow back in, you know because so many people have it come in different than it was before it fell out - My answer?  "Not gross."  I mean, what if it comes back only in some spots and not in others? What if I am bald in patches? 

I would consider having a luau to celebrate the end of chemo, but unless we drain the pool, we don't have a good place to roast a pig or two, so I will just have to come up with another idea.  Maybe a clambake on a beach somewhere? I'll have to think about  this.   Just know that I am so glad for your support, constant love, and the many prayers said for me.  

Love ya,

Carmine

 

Yippee!!

WOW at long last today is the LAST chemotherapy!  I am very glad.  I think the next week will be very bearable with that in mind.  

Kate sent me an assortment of fake mustaches for fun, so I will wear one to chemo today, for fun or to make them all wonder (what is it about her that is different?  or How can she grow hair when the rest of us can't?)  Rachel and I tested them out last night.  Some of them could be wierd unibrows or strange small beards (which some men currently wear these days)

So thanks for all the prayers.  I will still be have a couple of small procedures, and will be taking tamoxifen and zometa for years.  But the really hard part is DONE.  :-)     

More later.  Parties and singing and dancing in the streets.  

Carmine

Yippee!!

"If we are fortunate, mystical echoes that connect our lives to persons and events of other times provide a kind of intermittent background music that adds an element of romance to our existence."  

This is the opening sentence to a book called Majestic Journey, about Coronado's Inland Empire.  I like it.  And it is  a more interesting way to start a blog than, How are you?

(I was looking at other opening lines to plagiarize, and my 2nd choice was, "A perfect day for bananafish" which is really a title, not an opening line.)

I am at home, not feeling great.  You know, tired and bone sore... I am reading, napping, soaking in the pool and napping some more. The pain meds help some, but not completely.  Last night I got too overtired and felt lousy.  I had my little cry (yes, little! I wasn't feeling sad, just sore) and took some advil to supplement, wrapped up in a blanket and did okay.  I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel though!  Pretty soon, I will talk about all of this in the past tense!!! Yeea!!!  

Rachel loaned me a book called, "Surviving the Extremes"  written by a doctor who goes on extreme expeditions.  He provides medical care and also documents the amazing ways humans survive in unlikely circumstances and horrible conditions.   It gets the focus off of cancer! that's for sure.  So far I am reading about Jungle survival.  Lots of bugs, ewwww..  Not the same romance as Jungle Book.  (the book not the movie, silly.)

Tomorrow I see the chemo oncologist so she can tell me how great I am doing at chemo.  Actually, I am doing decent.  My labs keep coming back in a good range considering I am in chemo, this is what the nurse said.  I haven't had to have a nuelasta shot the last two times because my white cells are okay.  

I am interested to find out how long it takes for food to taste normal again, energy to come back, and the metal taste to go away and digestion to normalize. I am aware that hair will take a long time before it grows back.  

My neighbor is having her knee replaced today, so pray for her quick recovery.  

I wish we all lived close enough to visit with each other and have dinners, and go  hike the mountain together, and laugh and hug.  Love to you, friends and family,  Carmine  

It was the best of times....

I am not Dickens, that's for sure, and I am sure you are glad I am not writing a book.  I was reading my daughter's blog and thinking how fun, what great pictures, the 4th at the Washington Mall, right between the Lincoln and Washington Memorials.  Wow!  So interesting and fun to read.  

Instead I can tell you that it is hot, and things have not changed much here.  I worked the last couple of days, and was able to take a peek at all the 500 + kids having fun at Kid's Club.  :-) 

I am amazed that we are nearing the end of chemotherapy.  Tomorrow is the 2nd to last one, and by the end of July I will be done!!  When I think about having cancer I have so many thoughts and emotions that surface.  I am not invincible and won't live forever.  I have constantly been surprised by the friends, neighbors, family, coworkers, (they all kind of blend) and even strangers who have taken the time to show me they care and offer encouragement.  

I definitely think that I am physically weaker, but stronger inside.  I also think I have a lot more to learn about life and being a good friend, wife, mother, listener.  I don't know what is ahead, just that I want to be adventurous, thankful, generous, and unafraid.  There are wonderful things happening all around me, and also some very hard and difficult struggles that I am aware of .   And so another day and reason to pray, and laugh and cry.

wow... so serious.  

Coming up?  Dog days of summer?  Sounds like a good time to take a road trip!  Fresh seafood on the coast, sand between my toes, (I don't have to worry about frizzy hair in the humidity!!) or maybe cool mountain rain showers and old mine roads through the continental divide on the back of Dan's motorcycle.  Maybe just breakfast by the creek in Sedona.....

Even if I just imagine it.  

:-)  Carmine

 

 

Cause for celebration!

Today is July 3.  I became a mom for the 1st time 26 years ago today!!!   Danny is far away today, so I can't grill  him a steak, or put sparkler candles on a rocky road ice cream cake.   There is still much joy in the day! What a great son.  Pray for him at his job, that he is strong and safe!  Happy Birthday Danny!!!!!!   

 

 Today the house is getting cleaned,not by me! (what an amazing gift!) and Dan is working down his list of chores.   We  might take in a movie later.  Not sure what yet, we are so behind on seeing any movies. I would like to see "UP" still, but maybe "Public Enemies"?

My bone pain is gone pretty much!  That gives me til next Thursday pain free, woo hoo. 

Yesterday I baked Amish coffee cake- muffins.  I added granny smith apples, extra cinnamon sugar, cloves, and craisins.  I only ate one because sugary things don't taste so great right now, but it seemed pretty good.  It certainly smelled great! I have starter yeast bubbling in the pantry if  you want some....

I have tried to read some but keep falling asleep whenever I sit for very long, I will try again today.  I have been planning on reading "Wicked" the true story of the wicked witch in the Wizard of OZ, the play is based on the book, that is all I know so far. I am also still working my way through all my other books.  Still it is always good to have a running list of what you are reading and what you will read next.  By the way, who has Candy Bombers?  I can't remember at all, I  just remember recommending it....

Next week Dan possibly will be helping out with Kid's Club Lake Day out at Canyon Lake, taking the kids out on the lake in the boat.  Tons of Fun!  And we might get to help serve a workcrew dinner(80 very hungry teenagers), but we'll see.  It might be just Dan helping with that too.  I will be going in the work on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and I am usually ready for a nap by 3.  

My friend Marianne's daughter gets married on 7-8-09 in Seattle, and I will be imaging being there.  Can you picture it?  A very GREEN, COOL, FLOWERY, ROMANTIC celebration.  It will be outdoors at a park, and in MY imagination Mt. Rainier is looming in the background.  I feel happy already.  

Today's joke:  A man rushed into his doctor's office yelling, "Help I'm shrinking!  His  doctor replied, "You'll just have to be a little patient."                                              :-|    sorry.

Let me know how you are doing, and thanks for all the prayers.  Please go and be adventurous, have some fun, do crazy or brave or kind things and then write and tell me about it, even send pictures (I am NOT on facebook yet, so you can just send em to me if you want).