Wednesday April 29, 2009

Today is the day before my second chemo, so I thought I would write a quick update in case the next few days are not so good.  

I have had a great week so far.  My energy is back, and I have been able to drive downtown to work, and be a part of the functioning human race.  I received lots of hugs back at work, and was a little bit of help.  I have several doctor appts today and tomorrow, and need to drink as much water as I can in prep for the chemotherapy.  AND I still have hair!

I made chicken soup from scratch yesterday, to have on hand for the weekend.  It sounds good now, but I'll see how it goes.  Who knows, it might really sound disgusting when I am nauseous.

Yesterdays mail was so fun, I received a bunch of cards and notes of love and encouragement.  What a gift right before my treatment.  Thank you!!   I was able to talk by phone and email with Vancouver, Swaziland,  Seattle, Chicago, Champaigne, Virginia, Germany and friends and family here, catching up and laughing and feeling loved and stronger.    

I am off to work now.  I hope you have a sense of how thankful I am that you would show me so much love.  

Carmine

April 26th 2009

Another great day!  Actually,  all the days since Thursday have been good.  I was able to do work from home, have a couple of meals out, visit with family and friends, write letters,make blueberry pancakes (I was craving them), circle the block quite a number of times, organize my "cancer" notebook  (fun fun fun), and even poke a few flowers in a planter.  I can't say I was very fast, but I can say I am very happy to be feeling better.

Last night the neighbors across the street brought us cupcakes!  What a fun surprise. MMMM  Red Velvet cake.  It really dyes your fingers red when you eat it. 

This next week I will be working, seeing various doctors again (3 appts.), and having Chemo on Thursday afternoon.  It isn't looming so large now that I know what to expect.  In with all of that I will hopefully be talking to some of you, looking for good jokes, laughing, cooking (and eating) and passing on some of the mountains of love that have been showered on me.  I think it will be good to make a list of interesting or fun things to do in Phoenix in the summer, for when I have the chance.  (Indoors and air-conditioned.)

If I didn't have to get some normal things done I would have a party every day!!!  We'll just have to plan a few at a time ......  :-)   Actually, if I am fortunate enough to have a good week for every hard week, I will be grateful.

Thanks for all the calls and prayers and cards, I love everyone of them.

Carmine

It's been a good day.

It is amazing how different I feel compared to just two days ago. I don't know if this will be the pattern, but I am just glad for these last two days.  

Yesterday, along with feeling better and stronger, emotionally and physically, I had a wonderful visit from my friend down the street, Yvonne,  and her two boys.   I had to smile!!  The boys played with the dog, talked to me, colored, cut chain paper men, and ate lots of watermelon.  

I loved it.  Yvonne left me with some great tea, and a good start to the day. thanks!

After that I wasn't  even tired,(!!) and I was able to do some Neighborhood Ministries work, it wasn't like I changed anyone' s life, but I DID something.  I made phone calls, check emails, schedules some things, and still had energy. I made some more calls, and wrote a couple of notes.  My friend Lynn called after work, and we had a great time sitting outside eating salad and talking.  I went home and watched a movie: Bedtime Stories.  I didn't cry all day.   As I write this, it sounds so basic.  Maybe you are getting the idea of just how sad and tired I had been.  

I have been sorting through some of the piles that have accumulated, worked some, met my folks for coffee, had a visit from Rachel, and I am getting ready to cook a healthy dinner. Dan is in San Francisco on a turnaround business trip.  I am able to imagine the view of the city from the other side of the bridge, the headlands side, and it's almost as good as being there.  (if you haven't walked through the spongy Muir Woods, try it sometime, it's great) He keeps calling to check on me. :-)

 I finished reading Endurance, about Shakelton's Antarctic survival (thanks Kate).  They say Shakelton was a most gifted leader in that he encouraged great things out of everyone in the way he served them.  

I talked to Danny a couple of days ago.  He says Hi!  (Thanks for calling me :-) Danny, it helps me feel better.

Our friend Juan just called and is so excited. He is leaving tomorrow to visit Spain.  He will be in Mallorca mostly.  Isn't that exciting?  I can smell the ocean and taste the seafood.  MMMM.  I would go there. 

After dinner, I will take a couple of laps around the block, and then read some more.  It's not Spain, but it will do for now.  

Keep praying because I know it helps.

Carmina Bella 

Hot, Hot, Hot

Summer is in Phoenix now.  Yesterday was 102 degrees.  I needed to exercise for many reasons, but it was too hot and bright out.  I went to the mall and walked and walked and rested on all those little sofas and benches scattered along the way.  I seem to move in slow motion for now, and still get tired so often.  

We had sad news at the beginning of the day, a friend passed away in hospice care.  She was an inspiration to many, and loved life, touching many around her.  Her death from breast cancer is emotional and hard.  

I pictured myself being strong in this fight, not so emotional and physically tired.  I know it is just my body getting used to the drugs of chemo, and the chemo doing what it is supposed to do, but I would like to be a  valiant warrior charging forward.  I am hoping that as I get used to the regimen that I have more energy and can accomplish more, live a little more enthusiastically.  I miss being at work at Neighborhood Ministries, and the energy and care that being there involves.  It is fairly overwhelming to think of driving back and forth though.  

The good news is that I like how easy short hair is.  And Dan is taking such good and careful care of me.  Our dog is so happy to have  someone around the house all day.  

I am sorry if this is not a very fun read today.  More later. Love you, Carmine

Saturday Afternoon, April 18, 2009

Well, I am back feeling mostly normal.

Thursday I was scared all morning about the upcoming Chemo session. It actually wasn't all that bad. My nurse Mary was very willing to answer my questions and take me slowly through the 1st treatment. I was the youngest person there, which surprised me. Dan was able to sit with me and be my anchor.


I had a strawberry limeade slushy from Sonic to drink while they put the Adriamycin in..... it keeps your mouth cold and is supposed to help prevent mouth and throat sores. My cousins, Erica and Crystal have been through the same treatment and have given me several tips. One was to have the nurse give the Cytosine slower through the IV pump to prevent headaches. I did start to get a headache and the nurse immediately slowed everything down, and that helped! (good job Erica and Crystal!!)


We went out for Vietnamese food for dinner after leaving the doctor's office. I was optimistic and hungry. About two hours later I started to get nausea and it just kept getting worse. I was pretty miserable all night and was even weeping for no exact reason. The bad nausea and funky feelings lasted through Friday morning (my mom and dad came by to hang with me while Dan went to work). We picked up an additional drug (my 3rd for naseau) at the pharmacy and after about 3 hours it finally seemed to kick in and help. I was able to rest Friday afternoon.


Friday at noon Dan and I went for my Nuelasta shot (this it to help my white blood counts). Nuelasta comes with warnings of bone aches, fever, and flue like side effects :( I am happy to say that other than being a bit groggy and sleepy none of the Nuelasta side effects have seemed to show up. I was also given my fourth Rx for nausea (this is what might be making me drowsy).

This morning we went on a few errands since it is such a nice day. It was nice to get OUT without being headed towards the doctor! We had In and Out for lunch and a walk around the block when we got home (I am embarrassed to say that our block seemed longer to me than I ever remembered). Our neighbor across the street left today for the Boston Marathon - what a contrast.


I am so grateful for all of the cards, visits, calls, card games, flower, collages, etc. I can't keep up with it all, but am so encouraged. If I could only convey how much I am touched by your care and the love that flows through. THANK YOU.


I am going to sit down now with a book and probably fall asleep. I am so hoping that the rest of the treatments go this quickly and that I am able to work and function and live the days almost like normal.


As always, God is my strength.
Blessings, Carmina Bella

1 down - 7 to go

Carmine had her first dose of Chemo yesterday afternoon, Carmine really appreciated the nurse's manner in helping make her feel as comfortable as possible with the process.

Carmine had an uncomfortable night and is feeling pretty green this morning. Betty will be here this morning....... a booster type shot mid-day. Pray for the right combo of meds so she can rest this weekend.

Lots of Steps

Good Morning!  I hope your Easter/Passover was encouraging.  Ours was, it rained most of the day Saturday, and then was fresh and clean and sunny Sunday morning!  Easter always makes me feel full of hope.  Everywhere I looked I wanted to see things with God's perspective.  His love for all He created, His heartbreak for the hurting, and His assurance of HOPE.  Some of my friends at work made collage pages for me last week, and then wrote notes of their thoughts on the back....I still can't think about it without choking up.  

The Johnson Family (they have 3 of the fun-nest boys to be around) brought dinner last Thursday after my port surgery.  It was a welcome burst of energy and life!  

Dan downloaded my favorite song for Easter, and then we went to church and then joined my folks and Dan's folks for a feast.  :-)   Lamb and Pork Roast!  Lots of veggies,mmmmm and then pies out on the patio.  I was tired and happy.

Monday we left the house by 6:30 to be at an early appt in Scottsdale.  The dr ran late and so we weren't home til almost 11:00. The consultation with the radiologist left us certain that we want to get a second radiologist's opinion!  Emotional and frustrating.    

  Insurance calls and blood draws took the rest of the day.  Then I decided to grill and make a real dinner.  (some semblance of normalness)

Today is the plastic surgeon followup, tomorrow is the regular surgeon followup and Thursday is Chemo.  (1:30 AZ time - pray that I am brave! and that I tolerate the A/C drugs well.)  Friday I get a shot.   Then, I don't have a dr appt for a whole week!  YEA!

It all makes the 1st time around with cancer seem so uncomplicated (It wasn't but time kind of blurrs some of it.)

Thanks for the calls, cards and visits.  I don't feel so cut off from everything.  We are praying for your families, your jobs, your struggles, and that you would be strong and blessed!

Love you a ton,

Carmine 

Quick Disconnect

We're both finding ourselves thinking a lot about Jesus' experience as a man, his pain our healing......his relationships and our sense of his joy for us personally as he suffered.

Carmine had her port (the quick disconnect) installed on Thursday, she came home pretty sore and groggy. She really looks great with her new hair cut, she's been working on picking a name for the terrier.

We're really looking forward to celebrating Easter at Neighborhood and then family time at Carmine's parents (my Mom & Dad will also join).

The Week Ahead

Monday morning we meet early for a consult on evaluating radiation in addition to the chemo. Please pray for our wisdom and understanding here, we've decided to follow our GP's exhortation to trust and wait for a real sense of peace regarding the choices ahead here.

Thursday afternoon Carmine has her first dose of chemo. Please pray that this first session sets the tone for the rest of her treatments, that she flys through.

He is risen!

Short note

Today went by quickly.  I decided to get my hair cut short, so maybe it won't be quite as emotional when it all falls out.  Lori Jowdy, cut it beautifully, and it is fun and curly.  I think I will still be emotional when it falls out though.  In fact I am pretty sure of it.  

I have been challenged by several of you, and you know who you are, to make sure that I am open and honest about my feelings.  Well, today I felt hopeful and loved and glad to be alive and working through details.  Driving helps,  life feels more normal.  

Tomorrow the port gets put in and I am just not thinking about the details of that.  I will wake up and it will be done.  

Pray that the procedure goes well, and pray that I am open and honest with my feelings so my friends and family know what I am thinking, when I am sad, and when I am discouraged.  

I love your notes and calls, Carmine

Rug Shopping

Today has been good.  I started driving again.  I still have a teddy bear between me and the seat belt to act as a buffer.  What a sight!

Last night Rachel came by for a visit, and just stayed and chatted a while.  It helped the time just fly by.  

Today I went and bought a wig (rug).  It took me forever to decide; blonde or brunette or redhead, curly or straight, long or short or in between?  All the wigs have names and I was very unsure who I wanted to be by the end.  The platinum blonde sitting in my chair was a little scarry even if she had my same nose. I settled on a really short haired terrier, I mean, wig.  Dark brunette.  Tomorrow I am getting the real hair on my head cut very short so when it comes out, there won't be too much to vacuum.  

I am looking for one of those goofy baseball hats that comes with a ponytail.....

This afternoon Dan and I went to Chemo training and saw where I will be having my treatments.  I pictured something more soothing or comforting.  But it's just a big room crowded full of vinyl recliners with IV poles next to them.  People of all ages and cancer  types will be there.  I can have one visitor with me at a time.  The visitor gets a rolling stool to sit on.

Tonight I met with my girlfriends and laughed and enjoyed the cool evening air.  What a gift to have so much love and care in my life.  Thank you everyone for this gift.  Carmine  

How are we doing?

We're both doing well.........lot's of love, prayer, flowers, chocolate.....tears and friends!

Carmine's not driving yet, pain, fatigue, hard to get comfortable at night.

Today a PET scan, tomorrow chemo training, Thursday minor surgery installing the port, next week radiation consulting and then the start of Chemo on the 16th. Feels a lot like a freight train!

Carmine thrives on the hugs and connections.....Our kids, our parents, our family, our friends, she really enjoys the calls and visits.........call her, let her know when you're available, let her know you're thinking of her and praying for her.

Me, I'm not so huggy........don't ever hesitate asking how Carmine's doing, you'll know how I'm feeling when you ask about Carmine......

We've both grown a lot in the past eight years, we've learned a lot about loving each other and finding God's love and grace in the middle of pain. We're anxious about what the next six months will feel like, but are confident in the good outcomes. Carmine doesn't want to be an invalid, she wants the chemo to go quick and easy........PRAY she finds stamina and strength and is able to give chemo a big round house kick!

Getting Started

So here we go.......the cancer details

On March 2nd we confirmed that cancer was back again and that Carmine would be facing a 2nd mastectomy, eight years since her first bout and first mastectomy. Ughhhhhh!!!!!!!

Jumped on a plane for New Zealand and Australia (trip already planned) on March 5th, had a blast for ten days - we're both good at practicing outta sight and outta mind. Returned on the 15th to learn the surgery was already scheduled for the 19th. During surgery on the 19th we learned that the cancer had spread into her lymph nodes.

Pathology report: Invasive Ductile Carcinoma Stage IIB

This means Carmine will be going through Chemo mid-April through August this year. She will also be undergoing hormone therapy and reconstruction and possibly radiation. The bad news is that the cancer had spread to two of her lymph nodes, the good news is that the prognosis is very good ......... right at 90% once she's through.

As one of our friends said "she'll look a lot better than Dan does without hair!"